Jet, a Yorkshire-based Border collie, has reluctantly started seeing a counsellor after receiving an ultimatum from his common-law-wife, Ruby. Ruby had hoped that after Jet retired from farm work he would have more time […]
Cat can’t even remember what pissed her off
Tigger, a nine-year-old house and garden cat, has confessed that she doesn’t remember what she is so cross about. The Manchester-based cat realised quite suddenly that she’d been in the grip of a terrible fury […]
Village dogs hatch crotch-smelling plan
A group of dogs have hatched a plan to sniff every human crotch in their village in a single day. The group’s ringleader, Eric, a golden retriever, has decreed that the sniffing must be done […]
Cat stares at man pooping
A cat has broken into the bathroom of a two-bedroom apartment in order to watch a man poop. After her owner’s new boyfriend had been in the bathroom for what seemed like an unacceptably long […]
Staffie to treat herself
Daphne, a Glasgow-based Staffordshire bull terrier, has revealed plans to spend a few hours treating herself. Speaking exclusively to The Lab Report, Daphne explained that had she been planning some lavish experiences for several weeks. […]
Cat considers going on the game
Pearl, a grey and white mother of 18, is seriously considering going on the game. The good-natured cat, who lives in the Stockbridge area of Edinburgh, said she’s been “giving it away” these past 12 […]
Shiba Inu excessively proud of own anus
Neighbours of a four-year-old Shiba Inu called Gerald have agreed that he is too proud of his own anus. Gerald is described by those who know him as a “nice enough dog”, but “kind of […]
Jack Russell embarrassed about vibrating with joy at school gate
Roger Backpack, a six-year-old Jack Russell terrier, has admitted being mortified by his own behaviour outside a primary school this week. Roger, who prides himself on never letting his emotions get the better of him, […]
Shih Tzu mulls bob after break-up
Manchester-based Shih Tzu Xena is considering having her glossy long hair cut into a bob. Xena, three, who is well known for her luxuriant locks, has heard that getting a new look is a great […]
Pug sick of rhetorical questions
Willy, a four-year-old Pug, this week complained to friends that he was sick of being patronised by humans. Chatting with pals via urine at tea-time on Monday, Willy said: “It’s the constant stream of dull […]
