A respected local Dachshund has hit out at the “corrosive cult of canine body-shaming” that has resulted in a number of his family members being referred to as “sausage dogs”. Frankie Humpage, a well-known figure […]
Cat blames presence of unruly children on Christmas tree
A large cat has justified her sustained and ferocious attack on a Christmas tree by making it known that she had established a clear connection between its presence and the arrival of several small children […]
Dog plans to cross busy road to smell corduroys
A Nottinghamshire dog has told friends that he fully intends to cross a busy road to sniff the trousers of a passing walker. Joshua Barley, a ten-year-old golden retriever, let it be known that even […]
Local swan slams ‘time wasters’
Dwayne Roberts, a five-year-old swan, has launched a furious tirade against people he described as “time-wasters”. The swan, who lives on and around a small loch in central Edinburgh with several of his friends, said […]
Cat really looking forward to next puke
Samantha Richardson-Pratt, a 10-year-old tabby, has announced that she is really looking forward to her next puke. Samantha, an Edinburgh-based house cat, said she couldn’t remember when she last threw up, but estimated that it […]
Labrador describes self as ‘a real foodie’
Roderick Manby-Saunders, an overweight chocolate Labrador, has declared himself to be “a real foodie”. “The clue’s in the breed name,” said Roderick, winking, prompting his wife Goldie to roll her eyes and leave the room. […]
Cats receive Whatsapp signal to attend sunny windowsills
Members of a 12-strong Whatsapp group this morning received an urgent signal to attend south-facing windowsills. The message was sent out by black cat Lavinia Bixby-Dangerfield, who woke up early on a Sunday morning and […]
‘Body-positive’ cat claims box still fits her
Pamela Trimble-Phillips, a 12-year-old black and white cat, this week hit back at critics who suggested she needed a “more appropriate, looser-fitting” box. Pamela said she felt compelled to stand up to her detractors after receiving […]
Cat is locked in cupboard, fails to notice
Alfred Proudfoot, a four-year-old ginger cat, this week failed to notice that he had been locked in a wardrobe by accident. Proudfoot’s owner was tidying her Edinburgh flat in preparation for a visit from the […]
Puppy set to monetise ‘sorry’ face
Bitcoin Jackson, a four-month-old goldendoodle, has outlined his ambitions to make money out of his face, which he has described as “the perfect embodiment of contrition in the digital age”. Bitcoin resolved to formulate his […]
