A five-year-old Border terrier has decided he is tired of being an arsehole. Fergus Magnusson, who lives just outside Glasgow, says he’s been a real arsehole for as long as he can remember, and is […]
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Cat: ‘I’ve been mugged off thrice’
A Northamptonshire cat has claimed to have been “mugged off thrice” in one day. Kenneth Tynan, six, has spoken out after experiencing what he described as a “trio of outrages” which is making his position […]
Boston terrier aware that he’s a pick-up accessory
A young Boston terrier has confirmed he is fully aware that his owner is using him to pick up other men, and that he is perfectly fine with it. Archibald Bryant, three, said he first […]
Dachshund slams body-shamers
A respected local Dachshund has hit out at the “corrosive cult of canine body-shaming” that has resulted in a number of his family members being referred to as “sausage dogs”. Frankie Humpage, a well-known figure […]
Cat blames presence of unruly children on Christmas tree
A large cat has justified her sustained and ferocious attack on a Christmas tree by making it known that she had established a clear connection between its presence and the arrival of several small children […]
Local swan slams ‘time wasters’
Dwayne Roberts, a five-year-old swan, has launched a furious tirade against people he described as “time-wasters”. The swan, who lives on and around a small loch in central Edinburgh with several of his friends, said […]
Labrador describes self as ‘a real foodie’
Roderick Manby-Saunders, an overweight chocolate Labrador, has declared himself to be “a real foodie”. “The clue’s in the breed name,” said Roderick, winking, prompting his wife Goldie to roll her eyes and leave the room. […]
Cats receive Whatsapp signal to attend sunny windowsills
Members of a 12-strong Whatsapp group this morning received an urgent signal to attend south-facing windowsills. The message was sent out by black cat Lavinia Bixby-Dangerfield, who woke up early on a Sunday morning and […]
Cat is locked in cupboard, fails to notice
Alfred Proudfoot, a four-year-old ginger cat, this week failed to notice that he had been locked in a wardrobe by accident. Proudfoot’s owner was tidying her Edinburgh flat in preparation for a visit from the […]
Pet hedgehog filled with hate for hipster owner
Daniel Gibbons, a Manchester-based hedgehog, has revealed that he despises his owner with “every fibre of his being” and will do everything in his power to “end him”. The hedgehog, whose owner refers to him as […]
