A long-anticipated reunion of four feline siblings has been ruined by the fact that not one of the cats gave a shit about the occasion. The cats had not seen each other since being rehomed […]
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Furious cat denies calling owner ‘mum’
An angry cat has denied claims that he calls his owner ‘mum’. Angela Freeman, a 48-year-old receptionist, has told everyone she knows that her cat, Fluff, has started addressing her as if she were his […]
Cat apologises ‘if any offence was taken’ following killing spree
A cat has issued a carefully worded apology after killing several small birds and leaving grotesque evidence of his actions in his owner’s house. A number of eye witnesses reported seeing Liverpool-based six-year-old Ringo Philips […]
Dog indifferent about Christmas fart decoy role
A young Rottweiler has said he doesn’t mind being blamed for the high levels of seasonal gas being passed by his owners and their recent visitors. Ronald Rogers, a three-year-old father of four, first became […]
Border terrier tired of being an arsehole
A five-year-old Border terrier has decided he is tired of being an arsehole. Fergus Magnusson, who lives just outside Glasgow, says he’s been a real arsehole for as long as he can remember, and is […]
Cat: ‘I’ve been mugged off thrice’
A Northamptonshire cat has claimed to have been “mugged off thrice” in one day. Kenneth Tynan, six, has spoken out after experiencing what he described as a “trio of outrages” which is making his position […]
Boston terrier aware that he’s a pick-up accessory
A young Boston terrier has confirmed he is fully aware that his owner is using him to pick up other men, and that he is perfectly fine with it. Archibald Bryant, three, said he first […]
Dachshund slams body-shamers
A respected local Dachshund has hit out at the “corrosive cult of canine body-shaming” that has resulted in a number of his family members being referred to as “sausage dogs”. Frankie Humpage, a well-known figure […]
Cat blames presence of unruly children on Christmas tree
A large cat has justified her sustained and ferocious attack on a Christmas tree by making it known that she had established a clear connection between its presence and the arrival of several small children […]
Local swan slams ‘time wasters’
Dwayne Roberts, a five-year-old swan, has launched a furious tirade against people he described as “time-wasters”. The swan, who lives on and around a small loch in central Edinburgh with several of his friends, said […]
