A long-anticipated reunion of four feline siblings has been ruined by the fact that not one of the cats gave a shit about the occasion. The cats had not seen each other since being rehomed […]
Category: Cats
Furious cat denies calling owner ‘mum’
An angry cat has denied claims that he calls his owner ‘mum’. Angela Freeman, a 48-year-old receptionist, has told everyone she knows that her cat, Fluff, has started addressing her as if she were his […]
Cat apologises ‘if any offence was taken’ following killing spree
A cat has issued a carefully worded apology after killing several small birds and leaving grotesque evidence of his actions in his owner’s house. A number of eye witnesses reported seeing Liverpool-based six-year-old Ringo Philips […]
‘F*** you, I wasn’t going to do anything,’ claims cat
A Nottinghamshire cat known as Big Robert this morning emphatically dismissed claims he was up to something. One of his neighbours had spotted him eyeing up a hedge and had, in Robert’s opinion, made an […]
Cat is too hot for this shit
Diana Chamberlain, an overweight tabby, has declared that she is “too hot for this shit”. The Newcastle-based mother of 16, who spends most of the year trying to get as warm as possible, occasionally […]
Cat: ‘I’ve been mugged off thrice’
A Northamptonshire cat has claimed to have been “mugged off thrice” in one day. Kenneth Tynan, six, has spoken out after experiencing what he described as a “trio of outrages” which is making his position […]
Accidental yawn-meow combo destroys ginger tom’s hard-nut reputation
Roger “Marmalade Baby” Davidson, an eight-year-old ginger tom, was today left mortified after an incident that could wreck his reputation as the hardest bastard in his neighbourhood. While basking on a sunny pavement after having torn off […]
Cat blames presence of unruly children on Christmas tree
A large cat has justified her sustained and ferocious attack on a Christmas tree by making it known that she had established a clear connection between its presence and the arrival of several small children […]
Cat really looking forward to next puke
Samantha Richardson-Pratt, a 10-year-old tabby, has announced that she is really looking forward to her next puke. Samantha, an Edinburgh-based house cat, said she couldn’t remember when she last threw up, but estimated that it […]
Cats receive Whatsapp signal to attend sunny windowsills
Members of a 12-strong Whatsapp group this morning received an urgent signal to attend south-facing windowsills. The message was sent out by black cat Lavinia Bixby-Dangerfield, who woke up early on a Sunday morning and […]
