Diana Chamberlain, an overweight tabby, has declared that she is “too hot for this shit”. The Newcastle-based mother of 16, who spends most of the year trying to get as warm as possible, occasionally […]
Category: Cats
Cat: ‘I’ve been mugged off thrice’
A Northamptonshire cat has claimed to have been “mugged off thrice” in one day. Kenneth Tynan, six, has spoken out after experiencing what he described as a “trio of outrages” which is making his position […]
Accidental yawn-meow combo destroys ginger tom’s hard-nut reputation
Roger “Marmalade Baby” Davidson, an eight-year-old ginger tom, was today left mortified after an incident that could wreck his reputation as the hardest bastard in his neighbourhood. While basking on a sunny pavement after having torn off […]
Cat blames presence of unruly children on Christmas tree
A large cat has justified her sustained and ferocious attack on a Christmas tree by making it known that she had established a clear connection between its presence and the arrival of several small children […]
Cat really looking forward to next puke
Samantha Richardson-Pratt, a 10-year-old tabby, has announced that she is really looking forward to her next puke. Samantha, an Edinburgh-based house cat, said she couldn’t remember when she last threw up, but estimated that it […]
Cats receive Whatsapp signal to attend sunny windowsills
Members of a 12-strong Whatsapp group this morning received an urgent signal to attend south-facing windowsills. The message was sent out by black cat Lavinia Bixby-Dangerfield, who woke up early on a Sunday morning and […]
‘Body-positive’ cat claims box still fits her
Pamela Trimble-Phillips, a 12-year-old black and white cat, this week hit back at critics who suggested she needed a “more appropriate, looser-fitting” box. Pamela said she felt compelled to stand up to her detractors after receiving […]
Cat regrets posting libellous TripAdvisor review
Hector Bonnington-Jones, a 12-year-old cat, has spoken of his “deep remorse and regret” after posting a defamatory restaurant review on Tripadvisor. Bonnington-Jones wrote the review after the upmarket Chester restaurant he had been frequenting every night […]
Cat has newfound respect for woman who hit her by accident
Maria Dalton-Jones, a 13-year-old tabby, has let it be known that the woman she has despised her entire life has gone up in her estimation after a misunderstanding involving a pillow. Maria’s owner accidentally knocked […]
Cat explains reasons for suitcase urination
Goody Proctor, a two-year-old cat, has spoken out for the first time about her habit of urinating in suitcases. Goody’s owner travels regularly for work, and whenever the cat finds his suitcase unzipped – packed […]
