Diana Chamberlain, an overweight tabby, has declared that she is “too hot for this shit”. The Newcastle-based mother of 16, who spends most of the year trying to get as warm as possible, occasionally […]
Author: Ashley Davies
Border terrier tired of being an arsehole
A five-year-old Border terrier has decided he is tired of being an arsehole. Fergus Magnusson, who lives just outside Glasgow, says he’s been a real arsehole for as long as he can remember, and is […]
Cat: ‘I’ve been mugged off thrice’
A Northamptonshire cat has claimed to have been “mugged off thrice” in one day. Kenneth Tynan, six, has spoken out after experiencing what he described as a “trio of outrages” which is making his position […]
Accidental yawn-meow combo destroys ginger tom’s hard-nut reputation
Roger “Marmalade Baby” Davidson, an eight-year-old ginger tom, was today left mortified after an incident that could wreck his reputation as the hardest bastard in his neighbourhood. While basking on a sunny pavement after having torn off […]
Boston terrier aware that he’s a pick-up accessory
A young Boston terrier has confirmed he is fully aware that his owner is using him to pick up other men, and that he is perfectly fine with it. Archibald Bryant, three, said he first […]
Dachshund slams body-shamers
A respected local Dachshund has hit out at the “corrosive cult of canine body-shaming” that has resulted in a number of his family members being referred to as “sausage dogs”. Frankie Humpage, a well-known figure […]
Cat blames presence of unruly children on Christmas tree
A large cat has justified her sustained and ferocious attack on a Christmas tree by making it known that she had established a clear connection between its presence and the arrival of several small children […]
Dog plans to cross busy road to smell corduroys
A Nottinghamshire dog has told friends that he fully intends to cross a busy road to sniff the trousers of a passing walker. Joshua Barley, a ten-year-old golden retriever, let it be known that even […]
Local swan slams ‘time wasters’
Dwayne Roberts, a five-year-old swan, has launched a furious tirade against people he described as “time-wasters”. The swan, who lives on and around a small loch in central Edinburgh with several of his friends, said […]
Cat really looking forward to next puke
Samantha Richardson-Pratt, a 10-year-old tabby, has announced that she is really looking forward to her next puke. Samantha, an Edinburgh-based house cat, said she couldn’t remember when she last threw up, but estimated that it […]
