An angry cat has denied claims that he calls his owner ‘mum’. Angela Freeman, a 48-year-old receptionist, has told everyone she knows that her cat, Fluff, has started addressing her as if she were his […]
Author: Ashley Davies
I’m through with drama, vows pram-loving dog
A small dog who chooses to spend much of her time in a pram has declared that she’s “done with drama”. Bunty Trepte-Orr, who lives in Edinburgh, said: “My 2017 new year’s resolution was to […]
Cat apologises ‘if any offence was taken’ following killing spree
A cat has issued a carefully worded apology after killing several small birds and leaving grotesque evidence of his actions in his owner’s house. A number of eye witnesses reported seeing Liverpool-based six-year-old Ringo Philips […]
Dog indifferent about Christmas fart decoy role
A young Rottweiler has said he doesn’t mind being blamed for the high levels of seasonal gas being passed by his owners and their recent visitors. Ronald Rogers, a three-year-old father of four, first became […]
‘F*** you, I wasn’t going to do anything,’ claims cat
A Nottinghamshire cat known as Big Robert this morning emphatically dismissed claims he was up to something. One of his neighbours had spotted him eyeing up a hedge and had, in Robert’s opinion, made an […]
Cat is too hot for this shit
Diana Chamberlain, an overweight tabby, has declared that she is “too hot for this shit”. The Newcastle-based mother of 16, who spends most of the year trying to get as warm as possible, occasionally […]
Border terrier tired of being an arsehole
A five-year-old Border terrier has decided he is tired of being an arsehole. Fergus Magnusson, who lives just outside Glasgow, says he’s been a real arsehole for as long as he can remember, and is […]
Cat: ‘I’ve been mugged off thrice’
A Northamptonshire cat has claimed to have been “mugged off thrice” in one day. Kenneth Tynan, six, has spoken out after experiencing what he described as a “trio of outrages” which is making his position […]
Accidental yawn-meow combo destroys ginger tom’s hard-nut reputation
Roger “Marmalade Baby” Davidson, an eight-year-old ginger tom, was today left mortified after an incident that could wreck his reputation as the hardest bastard in his neighbourhood. While basking on a sunny pavement after having torn off […]
Boston terrier aware that he’s a pick-up accessory
A young Boston terrier has confirmed he is fully aware that his owner is using him to pick up other men, and that he is perfectly fine with it. Archibald Bryant, three, said he first […]
