A long-anticipated reunion of four feline siblings has been ruined by the fact that not one of the cats gave a shit about the occasion. The cats had not seen each other since being rehomed […]
Author: Ashley Davies
Furious cat denies calling owner ‘mum’
An angry cat has denied claims that he calls his owner ‘mum’. Angela Freeman, a 48-year-old receptionist, has told everyone she knows that her cat, Fluff, has started addressing her as if she were his […]
I’m through with drama, vows pram-loving dog
A small dog who chooses to spend much of her time in a pram has declared that she’s “done with drama”. Bunty Trepte-Orr, who lives in Edinburgh, said: “My 2017 new year’s resolution was to […]
Cat apologises ‘if any offence was taken’ following killing spree
A cat has issued a carefully worded apology after killing several small birds and leaving grotesque evidence of his actions in his owner’s house. A number of eye witnesses reported seeing Liverpool-based six-year-old Ringo Philips […]
Dog indifferent about Christmas fart decoy role
A young Rottweiler has said he doesn’t mind being blamed for the high levels of seasonal gas being passed by his owners and their recent visitors. Ronald Rogers, a three-year-old father of four, first became […]
‘F*** you, I wasn’t going to do anything,’ claims cat
A Nottinghamshire cat known as Big Robert this morning emphatically dismissed claims he was up to something. One of his neighbours had spotted him eyeing up a hedge and had, in Robert’s opinion, made an […]
Cat is too hot for this shit
Diana Chamberlain, an overweight tabby, has declared that she is “too hot for this shit”. The Newcastle-based mother of 16, who spends most of the year trying to get as warm as possible, occasionally […]
Border terrier tired of being an arsehole
A five-year-old Border terrier has decided he is tired of being an arsehole. Fergus Magnusson, who lives just outside Glasgow, says he’s been a real arsehole for as long as he can remember, and is […]
Cat: ‘I’ve been mugged off thrice’
A Northamptonshire cat has claimed to have been “mugged off thrice” in one day. Kenneth Tynan, six, has spoken out after experiencing what he described as a “trio of outrages” which is making his position […]
Accidental yawn-meow combo destroys ginger tom’s hard-nut reputation
Roger “Marmalade Baby” Davidson, an eight-year-old ginger tom, was today left mortified after an incident that could wreck his reputation as the hardest bastard in his neighbourhood. While basking on a sunny pavement after having torn off […]
The Lab Report 