I’m through with drama, vows pram-loving dog

A small dog who chooses to spend much of her time in a pram has declared that she’s “done with drama”.

Bunty Trepte-Orr, who lives in Edinburgh, said: “My 2017 new year’s resolution was to cut toxic people out of my life, and this year I’m declaring war on drama.”

She added: “Unfortunately, SOME people chose to make a big deal out of my attempts to embrace serenity last year, and refused to sort their shit out. Now, as God is my witness, I’m weeding out those who crave drama.”

Sources close to Bunty, speaking on condition of anonymity, later explained the context of this comment, saying that the dog, who is fully capable of walking, insisted she and her pram be let on a bus ahead of an exhausted woman taking her small child to nursery before work. On that, occasion Bunty had barked and growled so much that both the mother and child had both cried.

Another source, one of Bunty’s neighbours, said: “She’s the one at the centre of every drama. Only yesterday I saw her pretending that she’d been bitten by a much smaller dog. She took a dive in the park and the other dog, who was completely innocent, got into trouble for no reason. He has to wear a muzzle now, poor guy.”

Bunty’s vet confirmed that the dog seemed to enjoy creating scenes and placing herself at the centre. “Ah, yes, Bunty,” he said, chuckling wearily. “She was here the other day. She pretended to fall and spent a few minutes lying on her back, occasionally looking at us sideways to check we were giving her all the attention.”

When asked to comment on the allegations, Bunty told The Lab Report: “It’s sad how desperate some people are for controversy. There are other ways of getting attention, you know.”