Cat apologises ‘if any offence was taken’ following killing spree

A cat has issued a carefully worded apology after killing several small birds and leaving grotesque evidence of his actions in his owner’s house.

A number of eye witnesses reported seeing Liverpool-based six-year-old Ringo Philips leaping from a shady spot on the wall onto a bird feeder, where he was able to kill two birds in less than five seconds.

He then picked up a third bird and carried it to the house, playing with it until it finally expired, leaving its feathers and blood strewn across the carpet. He ate none of the birds, but calmly licked his paws afterwards while the children of the house cried.

Several days after being confronted about the violence, Ringo issued out a statement which read: “I apologise if any offence was taken by my actions in the garden and lounge on Sunday. I have great respect for members of the avian community, who admire me very much. I hope to continue being worthy of that status.”

He added: “I am grateful for the support of my housemates, who also hold me in great esteem. I acknowledge that some people might have chosen to be upset by my actions, which were considered perfectly normal when I was a younger cat.”