Cat is too hot for this shit


Diana Chamberlain, an overweight tabby, has declared that she is “too hot for this shit”.

The Newcastle-based mother of 16, who spends most of the year trying to get as warm as possible, occasionally risking her personal safety and those of her rescuers in the process, this week admitted defeat.

She detailed her ordeal in a candid and at times heartbreaking missive, dictated to a colleague. The Lab Report obtained a copy.

She wrote: “I was in the kitchen, sitting under a patch of sunlight, just like any other day. But I became too hot and went to another part of the kitchen where it was shady, and lay on my back with my legs wide open for a while.

“Then I fell asleep and forgot how hot it was so I joined the family in the garden. Again, I became unbearably hot, but then I saw some shade, and even though I put my head in that shade, my temperature was still very high. It was weird.

“Then I went off to find out if any of the neighbours had left their car windows open so I could get in and lie on the dashboard. I found one, got in and it was ruddy boiling.

“I’m moulting like buggery and I can’t be arsed to do anything,” she wrote. “I am too hot for this shit.”