Cat: ‘I’ve been mugged off thrice’

A Northamptonshire cat has claimed to have been “mugged off thrice” in one day.

Kenneth Tynan, six, has spoken out after experiencing what he described as a “trio of outrages” which is making his position untenable.

His day began badly when a person started using a hairdryer next to him while he was sleeping. “Mugged off,” he said.

Several hours later, Tynan asked to be let out into the garden, hoping to be given the opportunity to hover on the threshold for several minutes, but his owner only held the door open for ten seconds before tutting and mumbling something about having to go to out.

“Usually the human waits for a few minutes while I pretend I can’t decide if I want to be in or out, but not in this case. 100% mugged off.”

And then in the evening, half an hour after he had finished his tea, Tynan heard what he believed to be the unmistakable sound of a bag of Dreamies being shaken.

“I ran to the kitchen for my treat but one of those little buttholes was shaking a ridiculous plastic toy in a crinkly bag. Mugged. Off.”

Tynan later asked whether he had “mug” written on his face.