Cat blames presence of unruly children on Christmas tree

A large cat has justified her sustained and ferocious attack on a Christmas tree by making it known that she had established a clear connection between its presence and the arrival of several small children with whom she would rather not be in contact.

Lucy Shell, a fluffy ginger Maine Coon, insisted she had nothing to apologise for after knocking several expensive baubles off a Christmas tree, which eventually crashed to the ground, smashing a full glass of red wine and knocking a television over.

“Yes, I tried to destroy it,” said a defiant Ms Shell. “But whenever that tree arrives I know, sure as eggs is eggs, that my house will be invaded by small, sticky children who pull my tail and try to pick me up.

“So yes, it was a protest. And I will continue to express my displeasure about this revolting, ear-splitting invasion until something is done about it. I feel certain that if we no longer have a tree, the small people will stop coming, and I will no longer be subject to these seasonal indignities.”

Ms Shell confirmed that she was a member of a network of cats that share tips on Christmas tree destruction as part of their mission to prevent children from entering their homes.