Dog runs out of wee too early in walk

Michael Dickson, a five-year-old Bichon Frise, was left feeling frustrated yesterday after squandering the contents of his bladder in the first 15 minutes of an hour-long walk.

“It’s like if Shakespeare ran out of ink after the first act of Hamlet,” he explained.

Michael, from Leicester, has lived near a large, busy park for most of his adult life and likes to keep up to date with all the messages left by his colleagues.

When challenged on his obsession with urinating on every bush, tree and corner of the park, he drew parallels with the human use of social media.

“Think of it as Facebook, if you will,” he said. “As well as leaving my own amusing, insightful and politically astute observations, it’s only polite to respond to what other dogs have said, with my own comments, likes or ‘lol’s.”

In order to save face, Michael had to go through the motions, lifting his leg near talking points and pretending to contribute, despite not having a single drop of urine left.

“It’s like if Rembrandt had run out of paint,” he added.

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