Lap dog wonders when he became ‘this monster’

A four-year-old Pekingese has just realised he is turning into exactly the sort of dog he used to despise.

Mr Biscuits, who lives in the upmarket London district of Chelsea, confessed to The Lab Report that he hadn’t been aware of his behaviour until a relative gently pointed it out.

“There was an incident when I was playing in a private garden in Belgravia with my cousin, Isabel,” he said. “One of the gardeners – a rather impudent chap, if you ask me – came too close for comfort so, naturally, I gave him what for. I honestly didn’t think anything of it.”

Isabel told The Lab Report: “I was shocked and embarrassed. Mr Biscuits was shouting and screaming at this poor fellow simply because he was working class. He has turned into a ghastly snob.”

Mr Biscuits confessed that he has been spending more time in handbags and on laps than out and about with what he called “the simple folk”, and has forgotten the value of tolerance.

“They just smell different, you see,” he explained. “And when they try to touch me with their rough, unmanicured hands, well, it sets me off, and before I know it I’m really giving them a dressing down.”